Lifestyle Humor

Only In America...

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
3. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
4. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
5. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
6. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Pregnancy Q & A

                        Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
                          A: No, 35 children is enough.


             Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
                A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.


                  Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
                   A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.


          Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
                                  A: Childbirth.


      Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me.
Why?
                      A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.


       Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
                              borderline irrational.
                           A: So what's your question?


      Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
      A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air
current.


                   Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
                   A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.


      Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my
wife is in labor?
             A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.


      Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
                                A: Yes, pregnancy.


                       Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
               A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

     Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
                         A: When the kids are in college.